My mother was born in 1934 December 28 into a poor family on a farm. From what she told us she started working from the day she remembers! My mother got married early and had 3 children exactly 4 years apart, making me the middle child! I used to kid with my mother about getting the worse of the deal but more on that later!
My mother left Madeira without my father in 1968 and came to America to follow her sisters and provide a better life for her children. Those days in the late 60's early 70's were hard, but we never lacked love! My mother worked 2 or 3 jobs to make ends meet but eventually she found someone who she married (just happened to have the same name as my dad ) and they bought a house and lived together until her recent death
This is the day after, so writing this is like having my wrists cut! My heart will never heal, for a piece of me is gone forever! Though they say people continue living in us, I cannot pick up the phone and call my mother! I can't tell her all the things I have been waiting to say, the time is gone!
As a child I always remember my mother working! In Madeira it was sewing beautiful tablecloths by hand! I happen to have the last two she sewed! From the time I remember I was always loved, from the time I remember I was always wanted!I loved my mother for everything she represented. I never thought this time would come! I never thought a world would exist without my mother!
Though my mother was the most amazing woman in the world, we lost some time over silly things, time one never gets back! However the last two years we spent lots of time together. My mother did something to me that always made me feel good. During those days of my surgery, or when I felt like the middle child (middle children feel this), she always held my hand and squeezed. Most of the time it was as if hidden from my brother and sister! It was a bond between us!
I am sure they had their special touch or maybe even the same one, but to me my mother was my rock! That tighten fist was telling me "you're special, you're my son"! We both knew what it meant! No words were needed!
And so I have to finish! This is the hardest thing I had to write, for their are no words to express the emptiness in my heart after losing my mother. I got her to smile one last time just before her surgery (it's on this blog)! I knew then it was her last picture, though I did not want to believe it! I saw the writing in the walls, but did not want to read them! I kissed her and said see you tomorrow! That still stands mom, I'll see you soon! My mother, my rock!
As always I leave with this:
- You were there when we took our first steps,
And went unsteadily across the floor.
You pushed and prodded: encouraged and guided,
Until our steps took us out the door...
You worry now "Are they ok?"
Is there more you could have done?
As we walk the paths of our unknown
You wonder"Where have my children gone?"
Where we are is where you have led us,
With your special love you showed us a way,
To believe in ourselves and the decisions we make.
Taking on the challenge of life day-to-day.
And where we go you can be sure,
In spirit you shall never be alone.
For where you are is what matters most to us,
Because to us that will always be home...
You're son!
Dr Q
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