At 52 I still wonder what I would say to my father if he was alive today. So much goes through my mind! You see the last words my dad told me at age 12 was "shut up or I'll slap you"! I did not know why he said that since I was crying because I missed him.
Those words ring in my mind as if they were said yesterday! There was no "I love you" or anything close to that! But who's fault is it that those words were never said and who's fault is it this still bothers me today and no doubt until the day I die?
I will never have an answer! It can't be me, for I just loved him and missed him so much! It can't be him for he was from another time another world it seems and it can't be my mother she needed to think of us not him.
So here I am with no-one to point the finger at, but dealing with the effects of those words said to me 40 years ago! I don't think he meant that, for what father would say that to a child! I don’t remember if he was sober or not but it don't matter. Words are like knifes that leave permanent scars.
Since he is dead all I can do is move on! But now that I have all this time on my hand I am searching for who's fault it anyway and my conclusion is no-one's! Different time, different world and a person who can never respond to my inquiries but left me hanging with some everlasting broken heart that only death will heal!
Don't do the same to you're children! Don't leave them thinking "whose fault is it"!
Dr Q
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