What makes for a good relationship!

There is no specific right answer to this question. Not even people who have been together for 50 years necessarily had good relationships! Sometimes after being together for a number of years you just learn to live with each other. I have lots of examples in my family and inner circle that proves this. However that does not mean from their eyes they are not in a good relationship!

We all look at relationships differently. I am always mindful of the couple that has been together for over 50 years and you swear based on what you see and hear they don’t like each other until one dies! Usually it's followed by depression and death by the other person. Besides the fact they maybe had a good relationship, loneliness creeps in and then they pass away themselves.

My answer to what is a good relationship is very in tune with my business experience. People don’t look at relationships as a business and my x hated when I said that, but relationships are the biggest investment and partnership you will ever enter. It takes time to understand each other and co-exist with some harmony. And most important good or bad times should make your relationship stronger.

So here it goes:
Define expectations
Define roles
Set goals
Periodically review what works what does not
Never go to sleep angry
Love the person not the behavior
Work on changing behavior
Respect each other
Cherish each  day with the person
Be family focused
Become one

Until we chat!
Dr Q

The Power Of Giving!

Robert had not seen Blane since he was maybe 10. I of course saw Blane just before we moved here over a year ago. I told Robert (us being admires of young good looking people), how Blane has become a good looking respectful young man, along with his brother Justin.

Well yesterday out of the bloom, Blane shows up with a friend named Joe to see his "cous" as we all call each other though its second generation. He was also stopping by to see his grandpa who happened to be here (kind of kill one bird with two stones! Quickly he adjusted to me and Rob and warmed up along with his buddy Joe wanted to see the house, talked music with Rob and somehow we ended up in talking about clothes and shoes.

Well over the years Rob and I have collected a "Macy's" closet! Before you know it Blane fell in love with Rob's old authentic biker leather jacket he hasn't worn since I met him and the boy was all smiles. Joe got a pair of brand new Puma's I never had worn since they were a little too tight but I had to buy then "sex in the city episode"!

His mother tells me his smiled yesterday and it was still going today along with mirror poses.... He is 21!
I and Rob talked today how happy it made us feel to see him with a huge grin asking are you sure I can have this, like we were teasing him.

Blane you may never read this blog but yesterday you left yours cousin’s lots of joy, taking ownership of something we would never miss! Enjoy it, treasure it and maybe pass it along so you can appreciate the power of giving.

Two books worth burning!

A few weeks ago I suggested (well you would have to buy it) to burn George W. Bush's book. For all of us who lived it, do we really need to know what led him to make some of the worst decision in history! As you can see the fanfare has died down.

Now comes Palin with her, I am sure most amazing book ever. After all the woman is an amazing sales person though an idiot when it comes to politics (let me take that back, she has touched other idiots wearing tea bags on their hats).

I am not one to buy either book, but dam it, I just may just for the pleasure of seeing them burn and putting it on U-Tube if someone does not beat me to it.

I just wonder if the polluted words in the book would hurt our environment! hummm Burn, Burn, Burn!

From Horror's to Managing Nightmares

I don't know why, bust since my first accident which I should be glad I was kept alive I started having nightmares. At first it was horrible ones with death all around me. I used to wake up feeling like I buried people in the garage, backyard and in the woods behind our Jersey room.

At first I could not get doctors to believe me. Then all these tests were done to find out there was some issues with my brain. For months every time I heard a siren I thought, yup they are here for me. These murders were so real! I would see dead people in my bedroom and talk to them until Rob would notch me and wake me up.

Well that went on and then a Doctor in Miami gave me some medication and it stopped. Now I have another dilemma. I am up all night and its very visit as I have discussions with my family on issues of the day. I also manage these people and tell them how to do it better. Again these go on until Rob nudges me and when I fall back to sleep I pick up the dream.

It's like I am awake while this is happening, but I can't stop it! I imagine the part of the brain I used for years is trying to stay active. All the Process Improvement books and papers I wrote are still stored there and now being used during my sleep.

I never killed anyone so I don't know why I had the Horror dreams! But the PI ones make sense. The brain is an amazing organ and who knows what my thoughts will do tomorrow night! One thing is for sure, I need to get my day more active so it tires out or my nights make me work.

A World Without People

It sometimes feels when you try to address a customer service issue related to a purchase you made online that we havew a world without people. We live is this automated worls that is supposew to make our living easier. IN the process as I have expressed it has done just the opposit.

I have been trying without success to tell Sprint that I returned their phones that came with a 2 year plan and that since I returned them I should have two phones available to buy at reduced prices if not free. Well after many emails and lots of calls to automated answering services I think I just gave up.

It's like this everywhere (though some comapnies are changing) that gives us the impresion there are no people that care anymore. I know it's more expensive to put a person on the line and address cuatomer issues. It's even more expecnsive to add people with common sense and that can seak english. But I am a firm believer these are the companies that succeed.

I just wish that executives of companies realize we are a world with people, who have challenges in their lives and don;t need added complication such as a credit for a phone. I mean after sending copies of the returned receipt which was the last request, we were back to square one.

I am tied between using automated services or people, Sometimes both suck due to a number of factors. Sometimes I am between these walls and just imagine what the world would be without people, stupid people!

Old Guard Same Challenges

The Democrats and Republicans just chosen leaders for the next congress. If you expected changes, you’re in for a huge surprise. I don't actually blame government anymore, I blame the voters who believe in the crap that is sent our way.

The same leaders have swapped positions and the same challenges will face us all. We have a President who left his balls somewhere just before the oath of office and even his own communities (black voters) have left him.

I recently heard from my cousin, "I am so tired of the bullshit, I don’t vote anymore". I don’t necessarily agree with this approach, but totally understand.

All we need to do is keep getting higher boots so we can keep the crap from going inside, as we move on through life.

The importance of Vitamin D-live longer and happier

I am a firm believe that vitamin D is critical to avoiding many diseases that attack your immune system such as cancer, HIV etc. This morning there is news from the scientific world that it also avoids you experiencing a stroke.

Of course one of the easiest ways to get vitamin D is to take in some sun. For 20 minutes a day in the sun we get all the Vitamin D we need. So living in Florida this should not be a problem for anyone. What amazes me is how many people with do everything possible to avoid the sun.

I have friend who live in either the south or tropical islands and are white as white can be. Not because they can't get dark, but because they avoid the sun like a plague. I totally agree with Suzanne Sommers that most of the possible solutions for many sicknesses today lie within our grasp and in the earth in one form or another.

So next time your feeling the blues and it's a sunny day, don't go to bed but put a nice pair of sunglasses on and spend 20 minutes taking in the sun.

Birthday's-Or Maturity

It seems no matter where you go today someone asks for your DOB. It could be a job application, some government form, Utilities etc. Everyone asks for when you were born and at time where. So why is your birthday so important?

There are a number of reasons why your birthday is so important. Through your life when you get to a certain age you are allowed to do certain things like, drive, get married, military, vote etc.

The government uses your birthday for various reasons and one of them is to keep track how long people are living. Based on this number they tend to increase the age before you can retire, so that there is enough money for the few years you may depend on them.

It is unfortunate that along with your DOB they don’t attach maturity or common sense to it. For instance, just because your 18 does not mean you’re ready to get married or at 15 ready to drive. Girls at times start being mother at 13/14 and definitely that does not mean they are ready for children.

In some cultures and in past history your parents made decisions. In some cultures it was no better than just going by age but in others they looked at the maturity of the individual before blessing certain arrangements.

I have always had a problem that we send our children to war at 18, but don't think they are mature to handle alcohol. If drinking age is 21 then going to die for your country should be 21. I happen to be at a Hard Rock Cafe a number of years ago, when there were a number of sailors at the bar. Because they were not 21 they were asked to leave the bar. I found that unjust and this is when age should not matter.

The Bible says sometimes teaching comes from the mouth of babes. If you can handle a gun, you should be able to handle a drink no matter what your age is.

Until next time, Dr Q

Could it be that time programmed me?

They say early to bed, early to rise! It must be what I am experiencing nowadays. I tend to fall asleep around 8 and up at 4. Of course in between I get up a few times too. I have never been one to sleep for hours straight and I don’t like naps during the day.

It's not like I have to go to work. For some reason when I had to work getting up was very difficult at times. Now that I can sleep the time I want, my body for some reason does not want to.

I remember getting up in the middle of the night to address work issues in India and Honk Kong. I remember a site being down and needing to approve someone to be on site at the FAA. I remember working around the clock sleeping in my office at the end of the month to make the numbers for the month.

Could it be that time programmed me? Could it be that my inner thoughts relish those times? Could it be I wish I was back to those days? Could it be.......

A Week in Review-Some Good News

Happy Veteran's Day! But Peace Never!

Even though American's clelebrate Veteran's day every year, you would think the thought of the day would be honor those who died and how do we stop war's from happeneing so no more die? So that is the challenge for world leaders , especially ours.

There is the religious answer that conflict will exist until the world ends! There is the human factor that some people just are war oriented and need to be reprogrammed for peace and respect for human life!

But I have a very simple answwwer to stopping war! I am a very basic simple person and tend to look at the root cause and solve the issue. But unfortunetly I am the minority!

The last two wars we entered we got involved so that the fight is there and not in our land! We also wanted to stop a country from developing nuclear weapons that could reach our shores or those countries we cherish.

Both are not the reasons! And when we realize we did wrong we come up with some othr reason that in the end destroys countries and kills thousands of American's. I always wonder why Canada, Australia and most of Europe stay out of conflict unless we squeeze them into it with us!

The answer is very simple! America should mind its own business! Take care of it's people! Protect invest in itself! America should realize some of these countries have been at war since the beginning of time and it will never change! Yes humanariun aid should be given, dropped from the sky like Christ did with Mana.

So there you go! Such a simple answer that would save millions so we can pay for national healthcare so Americans don;t have to worry about being sick with no insurance. What the fuck matters if we keep war from our borders if we can even have the basic healthcare to keep us alive.

We just elected a bunch of idiots who have an agenda to get the president but no-one discussed why and how to get americans back! How to protect our borders (and not the false of security the FAA provides). Or how we can keep every american healthy since this is a right in the 20th centure.

So to those who fought and died for our country, my heart goes out to you! But if only, yes if only we could just all get along and mind our own business!

Government out of cost control! Start with the pennies and the dollars grow!

Since President Clinton, no president has balanced the budget, never mind leaving office at a surplus as Clinton did. Why we forgot that and elected Obama is beyond me. Fiscal responsibility should be the president's main focus. That may mean leaving two wars we will never win, which could pay for national healthcare.

Maybe Hillary would have addressed this need, maybe not! One will never know! But I supported government for a little over 10 years and let me offer some recommendations how to control the budget!

Start with the pennies and the dollars take care of themselves!
This is so true and never followed. I worked on a number of projects both for the FAA and the Military as well as State government and if this basic principle was adhered to we would have a balanced budget everywhere.

Example FAA spends millions redoing a project because of lack of planning, poor management and inadequate oversight both from the government and contractor side.

Military spent 20M implementing an ICMM process when they did not build anything just to impress Washington and receive additional funds for something they did not do to begin with.

These are just two examples of millions the government could save by having independent oversight and periodically reports on what is working and not. These are the pennies never mind the dollars.

Recently I was the PM for a major military project that again was estimated at 30-45M and the contractor was managing anticipating and implementing a system they knew would go to 100M or more, No matter what you say (And I wrote to military commander at the fort) the project continues. The reason is like so many other government projects, everyone is in bed together.

If anyone is reading this that is in upper management at the government, start with the pennies and you will see the dollars grow!

When to say NO! If you can't pay, don't play! "The Dark Side"!

From my experience and based on what I have seen and done in recent years there comes a time when you have to say NO! I am not talking about children or even teenagers, sometimes even though society tends to chastise them; it's the adults that need to learn when to say NO!

I have to include along with my experience those that I have personally had to either walk away from, chastise myself or we lost contact because they ended up in rehab or jail.

I thing humans like the rest of the animal kingdom at times do things that are fun but not necessarily accepted by some. Its here I say, those that have an addictive personality need to learn the word "NO".

Some people can go into the world of heavy sex, alcohol binges, drugs and other vices and walk away and either try it again months or years down the road and there are those that once they start they can't let go. It becomes their life and everything, work, family and friends rotate around that vice.

I always caution people I have encountered through the years that if you have a an additictive personality they either need to learn how to say "NO" or stop associating with those that don't let an activity run their lives. It's easy to say than to do! So what I have learned is to know my friends and associates good enough, so I can say no for them when encountered with such situations.

Sometimes it does not work! We have this very close friend that is like our son and when he is around us, he can't say "NO", we can't say "NO" and it becomes a miserable situation and sometimes an embarrassment to us and our friends and family. Out of all the drugs in the world the one I used to love! The one my dad died of! And the one I abhor around me is a drunk!

People have the power to say no, no matter what drug is your demon! But first you need to like and/or love the people around you enough to know that addition affects them more than you. In time you end up alone like my dad who died at an age of 42 all by himself on a running ditch.

So if you can't pay, don’t play! I was happy to have found a man that assisted me with my demons and me with his so that I am still here at 52. And though at times we may temporarily lose our balance, it's always under control with the slogan "if you can't pay the price, don't play with the drug! Analyze you behavior after and listen to those around you and make changes.

Everyone likes to as Star Wars puts it "go to the dark side", but when you do have the path to return to the good side and when necessarily say "NO" if you know you’re an addictive person. Don't play with the Dark Side, many never come back!

What your wallet says about you! and those watching!

I never thought about this subject, but today while wafting for some lab work that never happened because even lab technicians can't read a doctors script, I was going through my wallet! I was amazed at how much the wallet has said about me through the years.

There was the late 70's when we did not even have a credit card. The days before everything became electronic and somewhat more complicated. Thought technology was to relieve us of more time, the opposite happened and we all got caught up in the 80's!

Wow the 80's we traveled the world, vacationed  every 3 months to some exotic island, usually Puerto Rico and on a TWA flight with my mom head actually to PR, I was paying the bills on the flight when we actually mailed bills and there were 23 credit card payments. Yup 23 credit cards between the family, with Shaun and Sherry having their own American Express by the early 90's.

It did not say we were rich it said we could charge everything we wanted, even a six week to Portugal and the most expensive week ever 8k for us to stay in Kew West for 7 days and 6 nights. My wallet said we could afford it (though we could not) my wallet had insurance for the family (the best at that) my wallet said I belonged to various organizations, could call someone to get my car if it broke down. It showed my kids and family and it took a wallet and small men's bad with a look to take all the airline and hotel cards.

As I looked at my wallet today, it showed how much the world and I have changed! It has mostly medical cards or doctor’s business cards one credit card and a debit card. There are no pictured, those are on my phone, my license though I don't fdrive anymore but comes in handy for identification and some other meaningless stuff. It doesn't show I am poor or wealthy, but it does show I/we live uncomplicated lives.

Next time you see the Capitol One commercial on " what’s in your wallet, (that is the only card we have) you should think what does your wallet say about you when you go to use it. For example the other day my uncle purchased something for the house when we happened to be with him. He pulled out a black Discover card and said "I don't know if this works"! Believe me a black Discover card works and are issued for a limited few! It told me then what I already know, my uncle is ok in his older years.

When you have a minute see for yourself what your wallet says about you and to others when you don’t notice it.

Gay couples launch attack on U.S. marriage law!

Personally I don't like the word attack to demonstrate how important it is to get civil rights! But if attack is what it takes then so be it! Through history minorities have had to fight to receive basic human rights. There was the women movement to vote, blacks to be accepted as equals and now gays to have a right to live as couple and receive benefits’ as such!

What amazes me is that we actually have a President who is of the 20th century and with a strike of a pen could resolve the issue. It could be his flip-flop on this issue like others could explain his dropping in the polls and why the republicans are making a comeback.

Not that we prefer the republicans, but we dislike a president who promises but does not deliver. I don't personally understand the issue! Most of Europe has dealt with this issue without a national revolt, Canada has addressed and even Mexico came to terms with it.

What we need is a President and congress with balls to represent all the people and provide rights to all. I don't believe any religious leader including Christ ever mentioned anything about gay people and from history only Hitler marked and killed gay people. So if we are to embrace human decency and respect along with acceptance of all we would deal and resolve the gay marriage issue and move on!

A Florida Room, Momories of Another Time!

Of course all my bogs today reference the time change. You realize when you need every minute how often time is important. Recently we moved and if you follow my blogs, you know it's a family home that Rob and I are priviledged to live in. My uncle and aunt worked very hard with limited time to get it ready for us a month ahead of time. They don’t read my blogs but Rob and I are grateful they did so in that little time.

Well in the last week a room I call "A Florida Room" has become the space we use our valuable time. It' also where I am blogging this morning though it's like 42 here in Hudson close to the beach. This outside room is surrounded by plans a water fall and all those things we find necessities like TV, CD player etc.

My mother and Rob have spent lots of time this past week just sitting enjoying the Florida warmth and talking about the return of my sister. You see in past time, my home was the center for all. I believe the time has turned around 360 degrees and it will again become the center of my family here. We even speak about getting the recliner for my sister so the 3 of us can again spend quality time. If I am lucky my uncle with build me a BBQ pit so we can spend some time like today around the fire BBQ food.

So Rob and I love this Florida room! I more than him because he is in the house at 72 while I am here in the Florida Room at 42. But it somehow reminds me of where I was born and all the plants around me. I spent allot of time in my grandfathers farms in Madeira Portugal, enjoying the various fruits, plants and wildlife. I sometimes wish I had the time to relive that again. But time moves on and The Florida room I enjoy and close my eyes and relive memories of past time.

Changing time, what day is this?

There was a time I had it down on the button and would even get up at 2 to change the time back 1 hour and the same in the spring. But as you age changing time in the fall and spring becomes a nuisance!

And so we decided to have the family here for breakfast at 9 this morning. Rob is running late always trying to get the last snooze in and runs to the store to get some last minute stuff. Oh well there he is at 640 thinking it's 740.

Yeah time is irrelevant when your disabled and don't have children. It becomes just time. Sometimes if not very often you tend to forget the day and the time. It's something I hear my mother ask often and those that hang around me who tend to be older and have nothing pressing with time.

Yeah there was a time, when I needed every minute to address the kid’s needs, my life partner’s needs, the cats and dog's needs, religious needs, work's needs and when there was time my needs.

Maybe that is why depression kicks in with some, which is when they have lots of time and nothing to preoccupy it! So today we lost an hour of time that I will not even notice. Now I need to go ask Rob what day this is, so that I can catch up with time.

A mental view of paim! The heart beats on, for now!

So now because I am finally on Florida's Medicaid I can start addressing some of my many medical issues. The first and most important I was told was to see a cardiologist. And so patiently that happened yesterday.

I can't complain about the service but it seems all doctors that take Medicaid in this area are from India and so communicating is a challenge. I did get one point across and that is you need to keep active or soon you will be on a wheelchair.

Let me see, I barely sleep nights and that is with taking 3 pills to try and get some sleep. I am in constant pain and it gets worse as I move around bend and even when I just plain sit. I was never one for medications when I was younger, but people should understand without pain medications I live a miserable life.

It's easy to say keep active and I agree, it's another to be up at 4 AM blogging because I only slept 11-3, and even then I awoke twice for the bathroom. Then there is the guilty feeling I get because Rob always awakes to make sure I am ok.

Here are my suggestion doctors! You want me active then give me the medication to numb the pain and active I will be. I haven't yet, but that scream is coming out soon to one if not multiple doctors. This morning is dedicated to more heart tests.... Yes my heart beats faster than most, it's working too hard and the EKG shows signs of problems and I can feel the heart issues I have. But it's not something that developed overnight. My heart has been in trouble since I was 18.

So Doctor, you won’t read this, but chill out do your tests and give me the right medication to manage it and relieve the pain!

Another move! But the last one!

Rob and I have been together for almost 12 years. In the last 12 years we have moved 10 times. Sometimes twice in one year. The first 10 or so years we moved because of my being the main bread maker and where the job's were we moved. However this has changed!

Now on SSDI, Rob has the privilege of taking charge and managing most of my life. As I get older and my health diminishes, he is more and more taking things over. We moved last week to another place and it's the second move this year.

However there is a reason for this move! One it's a family owned residence, it's a little cheaper and we plan on not moving again. This place has everything Rob and I like and we chose the colors and are helping my uncle with the design of the landscaping etc.

Also when we buy something for this house its family, so it's like we are buying it for our house. It has a Florida room where I have all my plans and where I can blog. It's screened and has 3 sliding doors to the house and because the Florida room is screened, we at times sleep with everything opened.

It's an older community, but not gated so we feel like we are part of something verses being locked being a gate. Bett has her fenced yard, but even if we did not have it fenced she never goes too far from us. And so another move, but in our eyes the last one!

My sister comes back home in January and we are looking forward to sitting in our Florida room as she deals with her health issues, my mother dealing with her own and of course mine too. We will hang chat and enjoy each other’s company until it's our time to move on for dust we came from and to dust we shall return!

A Cher Moment/Keeping McDonnel unemployed

When asked during the Hillary/Obama presidential run, Cher (Cher Bono) was asked who she would vote for! I never forgot her answer; "Have we forgotten Carter".

Not that Carter did not care for Americans, actually just the opposite; He cared for and still cares too much for Americans. Hillary like Clinton would have been more political, behind the scenes and in front to the American people.

We don't like the truth and we expect miracles!

The next to years will be like Carter where the Republicans will try to reverse and stop any Democratic agenda and then on 2012 we may go as far as voting for an idiot like Palin! This may be when I use my European passport and head that way with Rob.

I don't expect much in the next two years except to get my SSDI/Medicare for my disability. If some have their way this will be cut dramatically. Let’s see the uproar when some of the idiots we just elected do that.

I have a little good feeling this morning we kept McDonnell unemployed and researching the constitution for the comment of the separation of church and state!

Tea party/Republicans

It's very simple if they win we lose... Vote to keep moving forward and bring America to the 21st century!

A last political comment-think with the right head

I will use Lady Gaga's comment and urge all the little Monsters to show up at the polls tomorrow and give the present administration more time to get the job done.

It took 8 years to fuck up the country, let’s give the democrats at least 4 years to correct it!

The stock market has doubled in the last two years and I am confident the economy will follow. If we put republicans in charge again, they will spend 2 years trying to get Obama out verses working for us!

Thing with the right head and make the right choice!